We are two posts into the smaller font era of this blog. It has been close to a year since my first post here, and I don't think I have become a better writer. Actually, I think I have become much more stupider since that first post in general. I opened this page hoping to find guidance in the words of the smarter 2018 me, but was greeted by a lot of rambling and eventually lost interest. I realize that this introduction is a bunch of rambling as well; I have not become a better writer since last year.
My current situation is marked by a lot of change. My mother quit her job, my sister finished grad school, my father has clots in his heart, and I'm starting law school. We're also all moving away from Jackson Heights. And my cousin is pregnant and another cousin is getting married. My immediate and distant circumstances are changing rapidly, but I still find myself the same as always. I justify this to myself by saying that I'm very entrenched in my ways and that I'm happy with who I am- but is that just a side effect of fear?
As expected, I am not sure. Is 23 too old to re-invent yourself? The question is moot as I am not sure who I want to even be. I can think of specifics; I would like to be more responsible, study more, be more sociable, etc... But the big picture? I don't really know. And I realize that a lot of these things I want to become are generally incompatible with my current central state of being, or more aptly put, my personality. So if I want to change then, there are only two possible ways to do so it seems- I either gradually change and my overall personality shifts as so, or I go for the nuclear option and try to become a new person tomorrow morning.
After writing it out, it seems that going for the latter is surely a recipe for failure, but when have I never not gone for the easy way out? Still, that doesn't change the question. Who do I want to become? I've realized that the best version of my current self won't cut it. I need to change.
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